Birthday parties..hitting the wall...again!

Maybe I'm alone in this but I officially hate attending birthday parties. I'm not sure this feeling is unique to parents of children with ASD...since I've never been one. Let me just describe how today's event went. I'll begin by mentioning that the party was next door for our neighbor's daughter's first birthday. One might think that the house next door would be fairly easy - access to home, quick getaway, familiar territory, etc. However, that was not to be the case. It started with the stairs. Yes, stairs. We do not possess stairs in our house, unless you were to count the ladder like quasi stairs that lead to the attic but since those are not always accessible and certainly not available to the kids, we don't. OK, so not only does the neighbor's house have stairs but they have a 1/2 wall at the top that looks out into the living room, where the majority of the attendees were gathered. No less that 250 times did I hear my kids thundering up and down the stairs before I began to notice small objects falling from the sky. Yes, my sweet son was, indeed, dropping things from the upstairs room onto the people below. So, I told him to stop, he said "OK" and within 5 minutes, and a few more thunderings up and down with his brother, was back at it. That necessitated a talk at the top of the stairs about what is "unexpected" at a party and a reminder that if he is too excited, he should run around the block to get it all out. After the Chicken Little incident, there were the cupcakes, which were most assuredly NOT gluten free. No worries, there, I always bring my own. The problem there is that I get asked no less than 3,502 times when it's time for cake. And, again, "Mommy, when is it time for cake" , "When is it time for the pinata??", "When will she open presents" "Is it time for the pinata??", "Is it time for the presents??" ad infinitum. Now, other people's birthday parties are beyond my control. Usually, I deal with these questions by giving a time or at least giving him an order of the day. For example, "cake will be served at 4:30" or "first cake, then pinata, then presents" so the poor kid at least has some clue as to what is next. At another person's party, we're at the mercy of strangers, who do not understand that my child needs this information in order to avoid driving all the partygoers insane. Well, at least there were squeaky dog toys to break up the insanity of the questions...seriously?? Dog toys?? "It is unexpected for humans to play with dog toys" "Other people do not like the squeak of dog toys repeated continuously for 7 minutes"...etc. So, after all that, I'll just mention the pinata. My kids were the only "big kids" present. Really, they comprised 50% of the total kids present and the other 50% were under 18 months old. However, poor Lambert was so concerned that the babies would break the pinata before he could get his turn that he kept track of their total whacks and reminded them repeatedly that the babies' had exceeded there "3 whack limit" and it was definitely his turn. "When is it my turn??" "Uh oh! You hit it 3 times, my turn!" "OK, it's definitely my turn...when is it my turn??" And yes, all of this was amidst "the look" coming from the other baby's mom while her 18 month old drooled adorably and was contented with the tissue paper scraps coming off the pinata. Well, in the end, everyone got their whacks and emerged unscathed, despite some close calls. And, when the candy came out, the boys collected it all and gave it back to the adults since it was laden with artificial colors and flavors, that they can't eat....which also frankly sucks. It seems like these parties are nothing more than "no" fests. I hate being the No Queen. Really, really hate being the No Queen. And, I hate all the looks from other parents that suggest my kid would be better behaved if only he got a "swift kick" every now and then. It's amazing how much we judge each other. I'd love to say I never do it but I sure do feel free to chime on in when it's not my kid opening the baby's presents because she's "not doing it fast enough". Yes, that does happen...in fact, that happened today. My boys took it upon themselves to get the presents on the ground, surrounding the baby and her mother. Lambert was so kind as to put them in order and assign them each a number. They were to be opened in order. No exceptions. As I sat and did my best to hold them back, my sweet neighbor and father to the birthday girl, patted me on the shoulder and said "I was that kid. I can tell it's stressing you out, though." I can believe it. My sweet neighbor is definitely an Aspie - an engineer who loves his job so much he volunteers for extra projects :) And, you know what? He has a wife who loves him, a beautiful daughter, and friends who cared enough to show up and shower his daughter with love and gifts. If that's what Lambert's future looks like, we are blessed indeed.